Today is one of those days that when I see Rose with all of those bruises and sores all over her tiny belly I start crying. I hate having to hurt her and I hate that she has all of these sores on her tummy. It just kills me.
We are very blessed to have the pump but I am so worried about the long term effects of the insulin infusion sets in her tissue. I don't want it to create scar tissue everywhere I put an infusion set but she refuses to let us put it anywhere else but her tummy.
Today when we were changing out her insertion, I got to watch Rose's face as her dad stuck the needle into her. She didn't even flinch. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and counted 1..2..3...4...5...Then when he was done, she told me that she liked that insertion set a lot better than the others. It was no big deal to her. Not a single tear. Instead, I was the one who was crying. Why? Why, did my baby have to be the one to have diabetes. Why does my three year old have to even know what a carb, pancreas, or a keystone is? It is just plain sad. Today, I just want to cry that Rose has diabetes. I know that tomorrow will be better but today I am going to mourn the fact that she has this chronic disease that will never go away.
Ashlee, my guess is that you are up for this. You and Emily Sessions are two women that can handle this. You are strong, smart, brave women. You are going to be their mouthpieces, their advocates, their strength. And then you are going to turn around and help others. You will be the ones to teach, help, support and mentor those moms that come to their childrens diagnosis scared and uncertain, and you will be there for them. You have made it this far in an amazing way. Strong, smart, and resilient. You can do this...for the short term and the long. I love you...Aunt Heidi
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