Rose Passed Out

I have not wanted to write this down, because I have been hiding it but I finally think I am ready to let go of this experience.  Even now thinking about it starts a panic attack and I can't believe I actually lived through it.  I should probably give you some background on my personality and why I am so afraid of what happened. When Rose was diagnosed last August with Type One Diabetes, they told us to watch out for lows because Rose can pass out  and die if her Blood Glucose goes too low for a long period of time.  Everything else with diabetes was hard but I could handle that.  The low blood glucose and her passing out scared me too death.  I have never been good with dramatic incidents.

 If you ask any of my family members how I react during a crisis it would be that she starts having a panic attack and freaking out.  I can remember very specific incidents in my life where I don't know how to react except to start yelling and having a panic attack.  One of those experiences is when I was in a car accident with my brother.  We weren't hurt but we had a collision with a car that pushed us into a 8ft chain link fence.  I was screaming and having an all out panic attack where I couldn't even breath.  My brother was so fed up with me that he had to tell me to "shut up" so he could help the other car.  The other memory that comes to mind is when I was in labor with Rose.  I labored with her for 12 hours and finally my doctor came in and told me that it was time for a c-section.  I was so scared and panicked, I burst into tears and couldn't control my breathing at all.  My husband, my mom, and my dad all had to calm me down.  I do not deal well with crisis moments. When the doctors warned me that my daughter had a higher possibility of passing out it scared me.  I never wanted to experience it.  Well this last week I did and surprisingly I didn't start screaming, I actually knew what to do.

Now that you know more about how I react in a crisis you can understand why I was so afraid of Rose passing out.  With every fiber of my being I did not want us to go through that trial.  I begged and begged not to have to experience something like that. Now being on the other side I know that my natural instinct and adrenaline kicks in and I can get Rose's Blood Glucose back up.

Last Friday, Rose was complaining of her ear hurting.  She kept tugging on it.  I kept telling her that we needed to wait for Daddy to get home before we could do anything.  We waited and with in one hour of the ear starting to hurt she started crying in pain from it.  I left James with my husband at home and took Rose to the after hours doctor.  We had to wait for 30 minutes to get in and by then Rose was a complete disaster.  She was crying and begging me to take away the pain in her ear.  I couldn't do anything except try to distract her with my phone.  Finally we got to see the doctor and sure enough she had a double inner ear infection.  He prescribed her an antibiotic, ear numbing drops, and codine to help ease the pain.  We then were in a hurry to get to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription to ease her pain and discomfort.  We dropped the prescription off and I told Rose she could have ice cream to help distract her.  She kept crying and screaming in agony as we picked up the ice cream.  Then we headed back to pharmacy to wait.  The pharmacist told us it would be ten minutes, well fifteen minutes later they still weren't done.  I was so frustrated that I had this screaming four year old and the pharmacist couldn't hurry any faster.

Rose all of a sudden started to calm down and her eyes kept rolling back into her head.  I kept telling her to wake up and tried to talk to her to keep her awake. She wasn't at all coherant so my gut told me something was wrong. I started to look for her Blood glucose meter to check her blood. Of course she had forgotten to grab her bag in our hurry out the door.  Which meant I had no candy, glucagon pen, or glucose tabs to get her blood sugar up.  I frantically moved the cart down several isles, trying to find anything with sugar to get her blood glucose up.  I finally found some glucose tabs and started breaking them up and putting them on her tongue. In between her eyes rolling back into her head I was able to talk to her enough for her to start chewing the tablets.  After about three tablets I knew she should start feeling a little better. After about five minutes she started to come to.  My adrenaline was pumping so hard that I didn't even notice the pharmacist telling us that Rose's prescription was filled. Rose was still pretty tired from everything but she wasn't on the verge of passing out anymore.  We got our prescriptions and headed home.

When we got home my husband kept asking me what happened and what I did.  Honestly to this day I still don't remember much of what happened.  I know that I was being led around the store and told what to do, because I don't act well in a crisis.  The good news is that we are fine.  Rose didn't remember anything and she had no idea how freaked out I was.  Which is such a blessing.  I don't want her to take on any of my fears about diabetes.  She has enough to worry about then how her mother is terrified of this stupid disease.

On the other side of this incident I am grateful for several things.  First I am grateful that James wasn't with us.  Rose had all of my attention and I didn't miss a single sign of her low blood glucose.  Second I am grateful I was in a pharmacy when it happened.  They had everything I needed there, even if we had forgotten out diabetic back pack at home.  And third I am grateful for my mother's intuition that I knew something was wrong with out even testing her blood glucose. I hope I never have to experience it again, but I made it through it and I am stronger because of it.