One Year

We are alive I promise.  I have felt like I needed to focus on my family for the last couple weeks and you know what I have loved it.  It has bee such a good family and I have been present for it.  My phone and the internet have come second and it has been exactly what I needed.  Today is Rose's one year since diagnosis.  I cannot believe it has been a year already.  Can you?

August 6th, 2013 will always be remembered in our house.  I have been reflecting on how far we have come in one year.  It is amazing.  Last year at this exact moment I thought life was great.  We had just moved to a new apartment, my husbands job was going great, my sister was in from Cincinnati and we were on top of the world.  Rose had some pain while urinating and was wetting the bed 3-4 times a at night.  I had scheduled an appointment to go see her regular pediatrician one year ago at 9:00AM.  One thing that I have noticed about Type 1 diabetic families is that you never forget the date of your diagnosis.

After going to the pediatrician we were told to rush down town tot he children's hospital because Rose might be a type one diabetic.  I remember sitting int he car after my doctor had told me this and just trying not break down in tears.  How in the world could my perfect happy little three year old have Type 1.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  I was supposed to happen.  I never thought as a child that I would ever be a mom to a child with a disease.  I was freaking out.  I started to freak out with my mom on the phone and I remember her telling me " Ashlee, you need to hold it together until you get to the hospital.  Rose can't see you freak out because then she will freak out."  I took a deep breath and drove.  10 minutes later we were at the hospital waiting for my family to come pick up James (who was one year and two weeks old) and my husband.  We met my husband in the parking lot and walked up to the fourth floor. We were the first room on the left and as we walked through the doors of the pediatrics unit we could see our room all prepared for us.  There was a princess pillow on the bed.  Rose was so excited to hear that, that was her pillow case and she could take it home with her.  Rose still sleeps on that pillow case.  We will be forever grateful to the person who donated that princess pillow case

Staying at the hospital was a whirlwind.  There were some many people coming to visit Rose, we were not sleeping because we were up every four hours checking her blood, and we were learning how to take care of Rose all over again.   I remember my having a headache for most of the time with all of the new information they were giving me.  I never thought I would ever get used to this new way of living.  I thought I would spend the rest of my life calculating our carbs and insulin dosage.  It was so overwhelming.  Luckily with time it has become second nature.  I can tell you on average how many carbs are in everything that we have ever eaten.  We can also do shots and check Rose's BG with out any tears from either of us.  And we can also change pump insertions with a little help with incentives.  We have come miles in just a year.  This has by far been the hardest year of my life but we have grown closer as a family and I have come to realize that my Rose is my hero.  She is a remarkable little girl and I am so proud to be her mom.

Rose has changed a lot in one year but I have changed as well.  Because of Rose's diagnosis I was forced to face my fear of needles.  I no longer get panic attacks when I have to get my blood drawn.  I have found a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father and I have found meditation.  I am off of my depression medication and I am more easy going.  A year has changed us for the better.  Type 1 Diabetes is a hard and horrible disease but we have grown and I look forward to what this next year holds for us.