My first time giving a shot...

I need to start out by saying that I have always been terrified of shots.  When I had to go get my blood drawn for both of pregnancies I had to fight not to have a panic attack.  The whole mental image of a piece of metal going into my skin is just sickening.  So when we were in the hospital and they told us that Rose was going to need shots at least four times a day, it was time to over come my fear.

My husband did the majority of the shots the first day in the hospital.  I didn't want to give a shot and I especially did not want to hurt my child.  As you can imagine Rose acted like any normal child does when they go to the doctor to get immunizations.   Rose screamed, begged, and pleaded with us not to give her a shot.  Now try to imagine giving your child a shot four times a day.  For the first two weeks this is what we heard every time it was time to eat. Rose would beg and plead for us not to give her a shot. Luckily my husband was able to step up and actually do the shots.  I was totally okay with just holding Rose and trying to calm her down.  I had no desire to give shots and if I had my way, I would have gone to work and let my husband stay at home to watch my kids just so I didn't have to give shots.

By the second day in the hospital reality started setting in.  I was going to have to give Rose shots in order for her to live.  If I did not she would die. So I finally got up enough courage to give Rose a shot.  I think I stressed about it for a good four hours before I actually gave her the shot.  My husband held Rose down and I stuck the needle into her arm.  Watching the metal being inserted into my child made me sick to my stomach. I tried to hold back the tears so Rose wouldn't sense how scared I was.  I wanted more than anything to be strong for Rose.  She was dealing with so much and she didn't need to worry about what I was going through.  I pushed in the insulin and quickly took the needle out.  Rose was crying and wanting to be comforted.  I gave her a hug and a kiss to try to comfort her. My emotions caught up with me and I had to get out of that room.  I walked into the hallway, past the nurses station and into the stairwell.  I sobbed.  I did not and still do not want to give shots to my child.  I hate it.  I hate having to hurt her every time that she eats.

Rose's newborn photo.
https://www.facebook.com/FabianaBeatrizPhotography?ref=br_tf

As a mother you want to protect your child from everything that is going to hurt them.  If you could you would take away their sicknesses, their pain, and you would die in order to save their life. No matter how much I did not want to give Rose a shot I also was going to do everything in my power to let her live.  So I made the choice. I was going to have to inflect pain on my child so that she could live. Although she begs and pleads with me even to this day not to get a shot, Rose needs them to live.

It has been so hard to get used to giving your child a shot, but now I am able to set aside my emotions and just do it.  Rose is much better with getting shots, she still tries to talk you out of it, but she also understands that she needs insulin to eat.  We have been very open with her and have tried to explain to her what is going on and why the shots are necessary.  I don't know how much she actually understands but I think that helps her know that we are trying to take care of her as best as we can. We have always told Rose, that we do not like giving her shots and we wish we didn't have to, but she needs her insulin to eat.

The best part about the pump, is not having to give Rose shots every time that she eats. She gets a shot every 3 days instead of five times a day.  Rose and I are really starting to love the pump and now that I have been using it for a week with insulin, I am ready to do some trail and error research to figure out how to dose Rose perfectly with every type of food.